I’m happy to see more and more people in the rope communities talk about and advocate for rope bottoming education.  I’m happy to see many more rope events include rope bottoming education in their class lists.  I still think we need to do a lot more to achieve any semblance of equity and parity in rope bottoming education and I’d like to talk about some of the things that I’ve seen that are problematic regarding bottoming education and some areas that I think we can focus on to truly improve the quality of rope bottoming education in our communities.

Bottoms need to be treated like integral and equally valued parts of the kink education system

I’d like to start out with this anecdote of something that happened a couple of years ago in my local rope scene.  Our local community leaders had organized for a well known rope couple to come here to teach some classes.  Those of us interested in attending were asked by our local leaders if we had any preferences as to what classes we’d like to see taught.  I suggested that we have the bottom teach their rope bottoming class.  I had never taken that specific class myself but I had heard good things about it and had taken another class with the couple at a rope con and I thought the bottom had a lot of helpful tips and would love to learn more from them, which I bought up in the discussion.  Several other local bottoms echoed my request for the bottoming class.  One of the leaders said, and I kid you not, “We are paying for name of rope top to come teach, not name of rope bottom.”  I was enraged by the absurdity of that statement.  The couple was a TEAM: they taught TOGETHER, and I felt like both of their skills and insights were equally valid.  And not only that, they were both taking time out of their lives to come teach us what they knew, so why the fuck was the bottom’s time and energy not equally respected by our local leaders?  The bottoming class did end up being taught, I think in no small part because all the bottoms in our community pressured the leaders to make sure it was offered in the class lineup.  It was also the most widely attended class out of all the ones taught that weekend.

Some people may argue that bottoms can’t be treated equally to tops when they aren’t the ones putting the classes together.  Well, there are different levels of engagement that bottoms have in class planning.  No matter what level of engagement a bottom has in planning the class, they can still provide valuable insight and feedback during a class.  Anatomie Studio in London sets a great example in how they engage bottoms in all of their classes, and Anna Bones did a great writeup about how they work to create a bottom friendly space at Anatomie.

Bottoms as co-presenters

There are bottoms that work alongside the top in planning the class material and should absolutely be billed as a co-presenter in any marketing materials that are created to promote a class.  I once showed up at a convention where I was slated to teach alongside Secondfloor.  When we checked in to get our badges, Secondfloor’s showed presenter, as expected.  Mine showed guest.  As you can imagine, I was not pleased.  They apologized profusely for the oversight and made me a new badge, but I felt like it was just indicative of the problem that the community, in general, treats the bottom as the “presenters guest” not as a presenter in their own right.

Bottoms as demo bottoms

There are many cases in which a bottom is selected for a class and they have had no prior engagement with the rigger and clearly did not work on the class material with the rigger.  This is a totally fine arrangement, and I have no qualms with this type of class structure.  Where I do take issue is how the bottoms are selected for these classes.  I have seen MUCH evidence to the effect that these bottoms are chosen for their physical attributes and not at all for their ability to contribute to the class in a meaningful way.  I have literally seen requests for bottoms for a rope intensive where the requirements for the bottom were (as listed by the event organizer, not the rigger): “must be fit, attractive and have a good sense of humor”.  When bottoms pointed out that those were bullshit requirements, the person who made the request said that everyone was being too politically correct and there is nothing wrong with wanting to tie people you are attracted to.  I don’t have any problem with people only tying those they are attracted to, but this was a request for a bottom for an EDUCATIONAL SETTING, not for a play date.  I think a much better list of requirements for a demo bottom are: “should have some experience being in various types of rope bondage (particularly the type being taught), possess good body awareness, strong verbal communication skills, and have the ability to maintain communication under physical duress”.  Whether or not a bottom was part of the class planning, class participants should expect that they can ask questions of the bottom and feel like the demo bottom possesses enough knowledge and experience to be able to answer those questions in a helpful way.  As a frequent class attendee, I really don’t give a shit how “attractive” the bottom is but I do give a shit if I can ask them how a tie feels to them, or if they have any tips on how to make a tie more sustainable.

Bottoming education needs to happen in conjunction with top/rigger education

Rope bondage is a team activity (unless you are self-tying in which you could be considered to be both rigger and bottom simultaneously) and should be taught as such.  Dance classes don’t teach leading and following separately because without a partner neither makes much sense.

I know many bottoms have zero desire to learn how to tie anything and that is perfectly fine.  But they should still be able to evaluate a tie to know if it is safe, and well-suited for their body.  That means in classes where patterns are taught, there should also be material on how the bottom can evaluate the tie to know if it will work for them, how it can be modified to adapt to different body types, and what the tie should feel like when it is well-tied.  For example, when I teach TK classes with Secondfloor, I point out the various places that I check the tie to see if it is tied according to my needs and ask for adjustments if not.  When we teach classes that involve suspension material, Secondfloor asks me to describe the distribution of pressure in the ties while I am suspended and to talk about any active bottoming techniques I’m using to process pain or augment my position.  We also encourage both tops and bottoms to ask either of us questions while we are demoing ties.

When I am a class attendee, I try to make it a point to ask the demo bottoms questions in order to normalize the act of engaging bottoms in the teaching process.  I also make it a point to attend classes that I know have been developed by both the top and bottom because I tend to get the most out of those types of classes.  Some presenters that do this well: Moco & Beemo, Wykd_Dave & Clover, Kanna & Kagura. I don’t think your bottom has to be your co-presenter in order to be able to contribute to the class in a meaningful way.  I’ve seen presenters engage their bottoms in the class material even if they weren’t their 24/7 rope partners.  Some examples of presenters I’ve seen do this are: Hedwig, Roughinamorato, & Lizard.  Those tops asked the bottoms to talk about how they felt both mentally and physically, and asked the bottoms attending the class to talk about how things felt for them after they tried out the material.  This is so important because bondage isn’t just about learning the technical parts of what you are doing, it is also about learning how bondage can impact someone’s emotional state.  Tops need to learn to be able to receive this sort of feedback and information as much as bottoms need to learn how to give it.

I think it has become a misconception that bottoming education is mainly focused on flexibility and stretching.  I totally understand that not all tops are going to want to attend classes on flexibility and stretching (though I can make a lot of arguments as to why those types of classes can be beneficial for tops AND bottoms).  My point is that bottoming education shouldn’t be limited to flexibility and stretching.  Bottoming education means encouraging bottoms to take an active role in the entire bondage experience, giving feedback on how a tie is or isn’t working for their body, spending time thinking about what sort of bondage experiences they would like to have, how they can train mentally and physically in ways that allow them to enhance their bondage experiences, assessing what their unique strengths are and how they can use those to contribute to the awesomeness of a scene, etc.

Tops and bottoms need to demand more equitable education and a more diverse set of presenters at events

Event organizers pick the classes that they think will sell tickets.  So it is up to event attendees to demand more bottoming inclusive education, and to demand that bottoms are compensated on par with tops for their efforts.

Furthermore, I don’t understand why the presenters at events don’t better match the diversity of the rope community.  The majority of rope bottoms aren’t thin and hyperflexible. So why are the majority of demo bottoms at events super thin and hyperflexible?  I think the answer to this lies back in an earlier point in that tops tend to pick bottoms based on physical attributes or on how “easy they are to tie”, not based on how well they will be able to supplement the class material with their own skills & experiences. But the thing is, the people attending classes are going to be all sorts of shapes and sizes and ability levels.  Showing how easy a tie is for a  twenty-something sub 100lb bottom does nothing to help your class attendees figure out how to make a tie work for them.  Often, it is very discouraging for both tops and bottoms when they struggle to make the same material work on very different bodies than the ones used to present the material.

So how do you mitigate that? Before Secondfloor and I teach a class on a new tie or concept we have developed, we make it a point to put that tie/concept on a diverse set of bodies and get feedback from all of them as to how things feel for them.  We want to be able to teach to a diverse set of people and we want to anticipate solutions to challenges that different people may face.

A side note: I would like to encourage event organizers to invite some fresh presenters to their events and for event attendees to request lesser known presenters for events.  The event circuit can start to look like a “cool kid’s club” really quickly as the people who have taught the most get invited to teach the most, and those who are newer to teaching have a hard time breaking in, even though their viewpoint may be fresh and innovative.  Also I’d like to encourage event attendees to try to go to classes by people you haven’t ever heard of.  They may have some really cool things to say vs the event veteran that is regurgitating the same classes they’ve taught year after year.

Bottoms need to be able to have the chance to “lab out” different ties

Rope bondage is not a one size fits all activity.  Bottoms need to be able to try out different versions of ties and experiment with different variations of ties until they find ones that work for them.  Tops get to request lab time so that they can practice their skills and work on learning new ties, so why don’t bottoms get to request lab time to work on tweaking ties for their needs?

Bottoms need to stop undervaluing themselves & their contributions

I’ve seen it happen over and over again.  A bottom gets a compliment on something they did and they say “oh, it was all the top, I was just the one getting tied.”  I call bullshit.  A bottom is not a rag doll with rope hanging from their body.  A bottom does countless things that contribute to the success of a tie.  Holding your body in a way that does not hinder the tops ability to tie (moving when you are asked to move and staying still when you are asked to hold a position).  Giving feedback about the placement, tension, and structure of a tie.  Processing incredible amounts of pain.  Assessing your body for signs of injury.  Assessing your body for signs of fatigue. Staying calm in challenging situations.  Allowing yourself to express a full range of emotion. Showing vulnerability in front of complete strangers.  I could go on and on, but the point is: YOU ARE NOT JUST THE ONE BEING TIED.  You are an integral part to the experience.  Without bottoms, there is no one to tie, and the bottom’s unique abilities, experience, and self, is what makes each tie special and different from all others.